Tony’s Blog
Tony's Blog
April 28th, 20124-28-2012
Why is it- When cooking in a glass door range oven with a ‘turn-on’ light, people open the oven door to see how “the baking” is doing. Why? The purpose of the glass is; you can turn on the oven light; don’t have to open the door, no heat gets out, oven temperature is constant, little chance of botching the perfect, delicate cake or fluffy souffle so they won’t come out looking like an unappetizing flapjack. Modern design is great, only if we traditonalist know what to do with it. Besides, bending over to peek in the open door strains ‘bods’ and singes eyebrows.
Cell Phone Loser BAY CITY, Mich. (AP) police didn’t have to look long & hard to find the person responsible for a home invasion. He left his phone behind. MLive.com reports that Kyle Schmiege‘s misplaced cellphone cost him up to 15 years in prison. Bay County Circuit Judge Harry Gill last week sentenced the 20-year-old to 23 months to 15 years in prison, with credit for 126 days served. Schmiege pleaded guilty in February to second-degree home invasion. While responding to a convenience store break-in last September, Bay City police found a cellphone on the ground. It rang, and the caller ID read “Baby’s momma.” Officers answered and the caller said the phone belonged to Schmiege. Police eventually linked him to a Feb. 2011 burglary of a home.
Stress; Each Month 28th of the month, mailman delivers an awaited envelope: the checking account statement. Time to resolve your ‘income’ vs. ‘outgo.’ You saved all receipts in a special box, carefully entered all expenditures onto your record page, rely on a calculator (beats fingers and toes) for the higher add/subtract math, carefully check ‘spent’ vs. ‘received.’ Result? Hands tremble, eyes blur, blood pressure spikes – aaah – check book-yours-doesn’t match statement-theirs. What to do? *Weep, groan and gnash teeth? Depends. If they show less money than you, go the prior *W G & G T route, or if they show more than you, spend it!
It’s 2012 -And?
Here are some thoughts.
Feb.1: Groundhog Day; the G.H missed the call on the weather.
What winter? Good for us Elders, bad for snow business.
Income Tax time; the stress approach to spring.
Valentine’s Day, Lent, St. Patrick’s Day, Easter (what ever happened to the Easter Parade) heralds Spring; Hooray!
The ‘good ole summertime’ will get to us, enjoy it and any good that comes our way.
Election campaigning heightens from now ‘til November. Seems like 2008 just happened.
Pollsters call at suppertime for “a few seconds” of your time, (hah!).
Elections are done and you’ll hear, either “I’m baaack” or “We’re the new game in town?”
Dues we’ve paid, now lets see what we bought.
News was written about a Mayan calendar that said the world ends on Dec.21, 2012.
Wake me on the 22nd and let me know what happened.
What ever happens, let’s enjoy 2012 to our best ability.
Who Won?
Watched TV of a horse race from Turfway Park, where ever that is. It was so foggy that you could hardly see the horses go by
the grandstand. The winner must have been recorded by radar.
Years ago- – a ‘white-out’at Saratoga Harness track one late fall night,
a sudden snow squall obliterated the race, except for the lit 100 feet at the finish line.
Out of the squall burst the sulky racers with the longest, long-shot, Tarport Monster,
beating the field, including my leading horse, in that last 100 feet, to win.
My wife was overjoyed –she bet him because she liked his name.
It was the only race that tall, bony horse ever won!
Tony's blog
April 17th, 20124-17-2012
Phone Surveys
Since this is a national election year, there has been a proliferation of pollsters phone-calling to try to get you to answer there “short” survey, which are never short. Many modern phones show the incoming name & phone number of the caller. Some sneaky pollsters, like scammers, are blocking their phones so this info is missing. What are they afraid of? Maybe something you say will be used out of context to suit their purposes and they don’t want any public denials or law suits from an irate public. Be Careful! They’re weaving webs!
More Re: Phone Calls*
Scammers disguise their phone #s so to befuddle and convince us that they are ‘for-real.’ Latest one is using WalMart’s name offering a false voucher prize temptation. I called WalMart, advised them of the call. They are aware of the scam and confirmed that there are not any prize offers from them. Idea re: unknown calls: read the screen, number is unknown, don’t answer. It’ll go away. As Ogden Nash wrote: ”If phone rings and it’s a panther, Don’t anther.” (p.s. my call came on my cell phone, which cost me. Now I’m trying to figure how to block unwanted cell call charges.)
Fuel
With the impact of Gasoline pricing, we got to discussing the types of fuels in use today, when I voiced the thought that navy ships run on three types of fuel; nucleur, diesel and – - coffee.
Tony's Blog
April 9th, 20124-9-2012
HowWe Change! ; A long while ago,came the a.m., up early, wide awake, full of energy, activity and happy noises. Wife and kids couldn’t stand me that early in the morning and buried their heads under pillows. Age caught up. Now, it’s up leisurely, later, have coffee, quietly sip and decide possible course for the day. Decision made, need 2nd cup to get in motion. Wife can stand me better now. Kids were smart, they left home a long while back.
2) A vestige of rebellion may come with age. You break what you’ve done for decades. With me, its haircuts. Haircuts began in the 30’s when Dad cut our hair with hand clippers. Those haircuts were painful since half the hair was cut, the clippers snagged, the other half was pulled out. OUCH!
Today, some is left on top, more around the sides. My rebellion, don’t get a haircut monthly, wait longer. Now, it gets longer; some places thinner, others thicker. Now, if I could get the thick side-crop to migrate to the thinner topside – oh well, still got some, can’t have it all.
Another Spring
Spring made it to our area. The people are raking/cleaning up the winter debris, spreading fertilizer, grass seed and other chores to beautify their estate. Of course, the weed hunters are there with their digger tools, spreaders with weed-i-cide, prepared to do battle against anything remotely resembling a wild, non-grass, especially the ubiquitous, tenacious dandelion. Poor dandelion, so despised, yet when driving on sunny rural roads and they’re in bloom, I enjoy their beauty. Fields that would have been a solid mass of green, were transformed into large expanses of briliant emerald green and glowing gold dandelions. Enjoy their beauty, it doesn’t last long. The consolation for dandelion lovers is that they make a neat salad, or, if you know how, make dandelion wine. Try that with grass!
Worthy Successor! C-Span Program last year: the Washington Press Club Luncheon guest was Gary Sinise, Actor. The members were told of his rise in the entertainment ndustry, but mainly of what he and his band have done to bring joy to our troops where ever they are stationed around the world. In addition, Gary has formed a non-profit organization whose purpose is to get/give aid to veterans. It appears that Bob Hope’s troop entertainment mantle has fallen on the worthy shoulders of Gary Sinise.
Susprise Awaking Went visiting daughter and family in California a while ago. Came Friday afternoon, we checked into the Dover Sheraton Airport motel. It’s located on quiet side of the airport except for an occasional light plane buzzing in or out. Came early Saturday morning! Directly outside our 2nd story window, the loud roar of several large aircraft engines shook us out of our sleep. I staggered to the window, opened the drapes and there, just beyond the chain link fence, were two four engine bombers from the WWII era taxiing into a parking position: a B-17 Flying Fortress, and a B-24 Liberator, They were there for an airshow and would be open for tours and flights for two days. I shouted: “Hey; its just like the old days!” I had served on an aircraft carrier that had lots aircraft, each powered by loud radial engine. I was not any consolation to my wife. P.S. We Stayed. They didn’t do dawn flights like their old days.
Tony's Blog
March 24th, 20123-24-2012
Size Tells It.
Remember the old saying: “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” You can tell which man’s heart has been reached successfully; just check the size of his “pot.”
Poetry
Stumbling through the Internet and came upon an old favorite, poet-humorist Ogden Nash. Here are a few of his to lighten our day.
| Celery Celery, raw Develops the jaw, But celery, stewed, Is more quietly chewed. |
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| The Cow The cow is of the bovine ilk; One end is moo, the other, milk. |
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Tony's Blog
March 7th, 20123-7-2012
Daylight saving comes on March 11, daylight stays later so the Elders can be dining out in the evenings. Here’s to:
Seniors and Dining Out
Ever note that when seniors go out for dinner there is a trend to their travels.
They go early to:
a) Avoid the traffic rush hour,
b) Avoid the restaurant rush hour; (get better seating and service).
c) It’s still daylight, if possible, for better visibility.
d) Get home before dark most of the year.
e) Save with the early bird discount.
Many restaurants, relying on the senior trade, are very courteous to them – and the word travels.
So: Travel – munch – enjoy
Weight Loss Machines
It seems that regularly a new exercise machine pops up on TV extolling its ability to help you lose those extra pounds that are girding your midriff. If you: Don’t want to go outside, there are treadmills; try large balls to roll around on, short stair treads if you don’t have stairs, machines that use rubber bands to simulate weigh lifting (until the rubber loses its tension) kneel-on machines that rotate 180 degrees at the waist, (back dislocation is never mentioned). Another is a handheld weight that you shake back and forth, than stop, hold on tight as it continues to shake the weight off you. Wouldn’t shaking a milk or cocktail shaker be more rewarding, especially after you stop the shake? Watch those ads for the ‘shrinker’ of the month!
Strange Laws
Here are some strange laws which make it illegal to:
1. Skate board in a Miami police station.
2. Get a fish drunk in Ohio.
3. Hail a taxi in London if you have the plague.
4. Name a pig Napoleon in France.
5. To die in the Houses of Parliament in London.
6. To drive wearing a blindfold in Alabama.
7. Woman needs her husband’s permission to wear false teeth in Vermont.
8. Carry a concealed weapon over 6 feet long in Kentucky.
A WORD TO HUSBANDS
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup
When ever your wrong , admit it,
When ever your right, shut up. Ogden Nash
Weather Difference The summer weather of 2010 was sunny, hot and dry, while the summer of 2009 was cool and wet. Checked the weather wizards to learn this? Nope! Remember, in 2009, one seldom saw a convertible auto with its top down. During the summer of 2010, one rarelysaw convertibles with their tops up. March 2012, recently drove by dealers lot and saw convertables, new/used, on display. Can spring/summer be far away? Will this be my ‘One more time for ‘ole time sake’ moment again?
Tony's Blog
February 29th, 20122–29-2012
Leap Day today: The oddball “add one day once every four years” to get our calender and the Earth’s roam around the Sun in sync. With our extended fall, (until today’s snow) I’d have thought I was in Florida (if the mountains weren’t visible). Snow today, hang on-don’t forget to got to Daylight Savings time in two weeks, St Patrick’s Day luncheons and parades, wearing lighter clothing, Spring in 22 days! As the kids use to say:”Sounds Gooder”!
Tony"s Blog
February 13th, 20122-13-2012
St. Valentine’s Day
Every year, comes 2-14, the lover in us rears its romantic head. Then, off we go in search of that special gift for “Dear Heart” to show that all is serene and lover’s heart has beaten true for another year.
How did this romantic day get started? Feb.14 was a day picked to honor one (or more) Christian martyr(s) named Valentine. Later, 2-14 became the day lovers used to express love with flowers, confectionery, greeting cards (a/k/a Valentines) which were handwritten until the 19th century. Demand, ( poor poetry or both), caused mass-production of the cards (poetry included) since then.
Valentine’s Day, (shortened version) 2-14 has morphed into a big “eat as much chocolate candy” or other sweets, as you can hold. Some restaurants feature “Fondue Dinners” where everyone dips fruit, veggies and other bits of food into a molten chocolate (or cheese) bubbling in a hotpot. Double dipping allowed? If that’s not your-dip; then you and your credit card are off to the jewelry or flower shop. Aah, thanks for the Plastic Age!
In the 1920’s a young man became a movie matinee idol. (Way ahead of Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley) He was Rudolfo Valentino. Like his successors, he enthralled the ladies He died at the height of his career breaking many ladies hearts. Makes you wonder how many sons named Valentine were named after him?
On the darker side, 2-14-1929, Chicago, Ill. took the headlines with “The St. Valentines Day Massacre!” Two gangs; the Northside and the Southside” stepped up their war. The Southside got 7 of the Northside members in a warehouse and proceeded to terminate their existence with machine-guns and shotguns. This added a new meaning to Valentines Day; hopefully not to be repeated.
Today, Valentine’s Day and Love keeps growing. The 60’s hippy saying ”Make love, not war.” Sounds like an idea to consider. It’s quieter and less dangerous (maybe)!
Tony's blog
February 2nd, 20122-2-2012 It’s Groundhog Day; the GH didn’t see his shadow today so winter will be with us and if it stays like its been forthe next six weeks, who needs to go south.
Read that more supermarkets are being planned which reminded me of this story about a: SupermarketTrip. ” I was at my local supermarket buying a large bag of dog chow for my loyal pet, when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. (What did she think I had, an elephant?) Since I’m retired and nothing to lose, on impulse, I told her that I didn’t have a dog and was starting the dog chow dietagain. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital the last time, but I had lost 50 lbs. before I awakened in the intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV’s in both arms. Essentially, I said, it’s a perfect diet. The way it works is to load your pants pockets with dog chow nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stepped off the curb to sniff an Irish Setter and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack because he was laughing so loud.” (From Bob Mabery, USS Princeton Assoc.)
What Goes Around – - Went to a wedding at the Town Hall, after which the couple had to get their wedding license plus other papers. The bride mentioned that they also had to buy a dog license which was gotten at the same office. That struck a familiar note. My wife and I went to get a marriage license a great many moons ago and at the same time I had to get a dog license. Both were handled at the same Albany office. I got the dog license first, (it was easier) and cost $6. The marriage license took longer and cost $2 but I was short cash, so I borrowed the 2 bucks from my future wife. Been paying interest ever since!
Lighten Up! If you can be cheerful; ignore aches and pain; can resist complaining, boring people; eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it; understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time; can overlook people take things out on you when through no fault of yours when something goes wrong; you take criticism without resentment; face the world without lies and deceit; sleep without the aid of drugs; you can do all these things; then you are probably the family dog!
LeastCompetent People Police in Gumperda, Germany, arrested a 64-year-old retired do-it-yourselfer in November after he drilled through a neighbor’s wall in their duplex home. The man had spent two days trapped in his own basement, where he had laid bricks and mortar for a room but apparently forgot to leave himself an exit.
Wrong Place, Wrong Time: In September 2010, a tractor-trailer crashed on Interstate 70 near Terre Haute, Ind., and precipitated a traffic jam when the cargo caught fire. The truck was hauling a load of fire extinguishers.
The dinner bell rang, See you later!
Tony's Blog
January 12th, 2012Jan-12-2012
More Weather* 10-27-2011: Winter paid us an early visit. Temp drops some, snow forecast only for higher areas, but at 8:30p.m., the weather people and the weather gods spoke different languages. Two inches of snow fell on the ground and more falling. After that, late fall weather returned, snow vanished, skiiers would have to go to Alaska maybe to do winter sports. The holidays came on 40 degree winds. Until – January 12, 2012- prediction; rain, and a little sleet; snow – north to Glens Falls and beyond. Result here; 4 inches of wet, soggy, heavy – heart attack- snow. Be thankful there wasn’t anymore Enough re. weather. Spring may not be here yet, but, the daylight gets longer every day!
Warped Weather?* 1-12-2012 1-11-2012: weather sunny, warm, late fall. Driving on Schenectady Rte 7, Crosstown, coming to State St. exit, saw a large, orange, diamond road sign, displaying one word “MOWING.” Wife and I commented that one was forgotten. Rounded the curve and there’s the mowing tractor, complete with gang mowers, parked on lower slope of a newly mowed hill. Mowing, in January, in the Northeast; “ whoda thunk it?” Then came Jan. 12th!
Tony's Blog
January 10th, 2012Note on the Weather
Jan. 10, 2012, have you noticed the difference since 12/21/2011, the shortest day? On 12/21 it was dark by 4:30 p.m. On Jan. 9, it was daylight close to 5 p.m. The daylight is getting longer; the first International Auto show opens in Detroit on 1/14; groundhog day is 2/3. Spring is on the way!
Tony's Blog
January 9th, 20121-9-2012
Here’s a long one to start off, but it’s irresistable,especially if you remember the 30′s-40′s.
I’m Still Here
Caught the TV Program ‘Broadway at the White House when President Obama and guests were entertained by some of Broadway’s best musical talent. Elaine Stritch, a very veteran performer, rendered a song of the Depression era whose lyrics were written by *Stephen Sondheim. The song is “I’m Still Here” Part of it is shown here – why?- it’s a reminder of how we grew up and hope the Depression never returns again. (There are more verses but room is limited.)
I’m Still Here
Good times and bum times, I’ve seen them all
And my dear I’m still here
Plush velvet sometimes
Sometimes just pretzels and beer, I’m still here.
I’ve stuffed the dailies in my shoes
Strummed ukuleles, sung the blues
Seen all my dreams disappear, but I’m still here
I’ve slept in shanties, guest of WPA, but I’m still here.
I’ve stood in bread lines with the best
Watched while headlines did the rest
In the depression, was I depressed?
No where near- and I’m still here.
I’ve been through Gandhi, Windsor and Wally’s affair, and I’m here
Amos and Andy, Mah-jongg and Platinum hair, and I’m here
I got through Abie’s Irish Rose, five Dionne babies, Major Bowes
Had heebee-jeebies for Beebe’s bathysphere
I got through Shirley Temple and I’m here
I’ve gotten through Herbert and J. Edgar Hoover
Gee that was fun and a half
When you’ve been through Herbert and J. Edgar Hoover
Anything else is a laugh
I’ve run the gamut A to Z
Three cheers and dammit, C’est la vie
I got through all of last year, and I’m here
Look who’s here, I’m still here.
*Sondheim wrote the song in a room at Lennox Hotel, Boston, (without a dictionary) as “Follies” was in tryout, between midnight and 9a.m. Yvonne De Carlo took the lyrics and performed them on stage that very evening.
Odd People 1: In traveling from Lima, Peru to Mexico City, a man’s too bulgy appearance raised authority’s suspicion. A body search revealed 18 Titi monkeys, an endangered species, incased in pockets in a body girdle he was wearing. He was trying to smuggle them into Mexico. Result; arrested for trafficking in endangered species.
2: Bank robber carrying a bouquet of fresh flowers entered a bank in NYC, reached into the bouquet, pulled out and handed the teller a threatening note, demanding 50s and 100s, and warned “Don’t be a hero.” A security photo released by police shows the man standing at the counter with the floral bouquet. An imaginative robber! p.s. He tried it again at another bank; he’s now waiting trial.
3: More imaginative bank robbers: Central Falls, R.I.: A man wearing a surgical mask and medical style gloves entered a bank, jumped the counter, grabbed some cash, did not show any weapon and fled on foot. Result; probably a non-descript picture and no finger prints Wonder if there’s a training course to help get robbers more athletic?
4: News item: Playboy will be safe to read at work on your computer since it will rely on humor – NO PHOTOS. I wonder how many guys who claimed that they read Playboy only for the articles will stand by their comments and read on?
Volunteers:
Saw the movie “Pearl Harbor” and noted the line attributed to Col. Doolittle when he asked for volunteers to fly the B-25’s to raid Tokyo: “There’s nothing stronger than the heart of a volunteer.” How true that is when I see the Elder volunteers, who, still going strong, attend the annual RSVP May luncheon.
A few More Random thoughts by people our age….
- How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod
and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t
want to have to restart my collection.
- I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I
swear I did not make any changes to.
- “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever. ( Got these from L. Brennan)
Caps Backward Often wondered why young men, teens to early 20’s, wear a ball cap backwards. The visor projects down the back of their neck so it doesn’t protect the eyes on a sunny day.It shades the back of the neck., which is ok if you don’t want your neck burned by a hot desert sun. In the 30’s or 40’s, the jockeys wore their caps backward when training so the wind didn’t blow the cap away\. (Frankie Darrow did it in a 30’s movie) Is it a symbol or fad? Someday, I may find out, until then; wonder???
TONY'S BLOG
December 28th, 201112-28-2011
2011 had much news about same sex marriages, so I ventured into Obscure Marriage Laws and found that ‘Woman’s Day’ mag had put this article on the Internet. It was too good to resist. Here’s a condensed version of some states “slightly different”marriage rules:
Montana: Marriage by proxy; a stand-in for bride or groom who can’t be present is limited to U.S. Armed forces; except four states: Ca. Colo. Tex. & Mont. allow the practice. But, Montana goes one better and allows double proxy – neither bride nor groom has to show. (strange beginning for a ‘happily married life’)
Arkansas: A few months law goof between 2007 & 2008 allowed anyone under 18 to get married with parental consent (even babies- if parents agreed). Seems law makers forgot to include an age limit. Corrected April 2008 to include age limit of: boys 17, girls16. It’s said girls mature faster then boys. (at least in Arkansas)
Delaware: Got married on a dare? Must happen often enough in Del. For an annulment, “under duress” or “without capacity to consent” had this option added that couples can check;”because of a jest or dare”.
Kentucky. It’s illegal to marry the same man four (4) times. A different man each time – no limit. You would think twice would be enough.
Mississippi. Truro, Miss. Prior to marriage, the groom-to-be must prove himself ‘manly.’ How you ask? Answer; hunt & kill 6 blackbirds or 3 crows. (at least he doesn’t have to bake them in a pie)
Massachusetts. Salem Ma. Law still on the books: married couple not allowed to sleep nude in a rented room.(With the media’s report of the proliferation of bedbugs, who wants to?)
So. Carolina. Under the Offense Against Morality and Decency Act, it’s illegal and a misdemeanor for a man over16 to propose marriage and not mean it. Question; if he proposes will he forced to marry her, or, is he just up to no good?
Kansas. If you don’t like your wife’s mother, move to Wichita, Kan. where mistreating your mother-in-law may not be used as ground for divorce.
Connecticut. You and spouse are strolling around Hartford after a romantic dinner and go for a passionate kiss-you’re busted, cuffed and off to jail by police if it happens on Sunday, the Lord’s Day. Kissing still illegal on the Lord’s Day between husband and wife (Hopefully, only in public)
Louisiana. New Orleans-it’s illegal for palm readers, fortune tellers and mystics and the like to officiate a wedding. That means no peeking into the future – you’ll have to go into it with blind faith like everyone else.
If anyone is thinking of starting the New Year by eloping, to some place with ‘no wait ‘ period, Beware!
College (Weird) Courses?
More emphasis is stressed for our youth to go to college to advance themselves and the welfare of our country. September comes, young people are off to college to study, increase their knowledge, broaden their minds and be competitive for the future. However, some courses being offered make one wonder? For example:
Philosophy of “U F O LOGY” (a real word) a humanities course. ”We are not alone in the universe.” You can go to Australia and earn a PhD in E.T.
Zombies – academics are studying them in Alabama due to ties in ancient and classic literature.
History of Furniture – seminar that gets students ready for French country, couches and help develop an eye for raiding thrift stores.
Other courses offered: Tree Climbing, Joy of Garbage, Science of “Harry Potter,” Maple Syrup – The Real Thing, Learn From ‘You Tube,’ Arguing With ‘Judge Judy’ Bowling Industry Management, Muppet Magic , Tae Kwon Do, and so forth. Talk about education broadening the mind; it seems to have taken some broad, diverse paths!
Revives an old expression:”One can become so broadminded that they get flat-headed.”
Holidays: 2011
2011 Holiday season came on the winds of benign weather: dry, warmer,
(40’s plus) for a good part of late fall. We did have a couple of
gusty days. The first one in mid December slightly altered my
backyard view. My Rubbermaid tool shed, which weathered Irene and
Lee unscathed is now horizontal. The upside is the snow shovel
and big broom are in the garage (too bad) Summer tools not needed---
now. 12-28: Winds are back in time for garbage day; People have a
new game to play while driving: Dodge Cans, instead of Dodge Ball.
Maybe we should call it “Dodge or Dent”
May your 2012 be much better than ever:HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Tony's Blog
December 16th, 201112-16-2011
. Stubborn Pants
Heart attacks are serious ,but once in a while – - read on. Man had a heart attack at home. EMT’S excellent response got him to the hospital in quick time and he’s hustled into the CCU for treatment. Two nurses roll him onto his side and begin to rapidly strip off his clothes. One is peeling off the sweater, other is pulling off the pants. She gets the pants waist down to his thighs, lost her grip, exclaimed “What the” as the pants snapped back up to his waist. Other voice exclaimed “He’s wearing suspenders” and they both began unsnapping the waist suspender clips instead of pulling them off his shoulders. Apparently they havan’t had much experience getting suspender supported pants off.. In spite of his pain, the patient had to laugh, and still does. (p.s. this actually happened) .
Un-Frustration?
What to do with a frustration? Suggest – find a solution and get rid of that old one. That leaves you room to develop a new one.
A St. Augustine, Florida man called 911 twice and asked for help – - to get to a liquor store to buy booze. He got the ride to the judge and jail. It’s illegal to misuse the emergency service system in Fla and probably elsewhere..
. Scary Prescription? Your medical prescription comes with a long sheet known as “Patient Prescription Information.” The ‘Do’ part of taking the medicine is covered by a short paragraph followed by the “Side Effects” or the “Don’t” lists, which covers the balance of the page. It lists the possibilities of what can be the “not so good/scary part” of taking medicine. Suspicion #1: the drug companies are run by frustrated execs who remember the few “do’s” and a long list of “Don’t’s” they learned as children and are passing it on.Suspicion #2: If the medicine doesn’t drive out the disease, the “Don’t” message will scare it out.(they’ll take credit for the cure either way)
A Similarity
After messing around with computers for a while, the light ‘she dawned’. Computers and TV’S have much in common. If you look at either one for awhile, you’re eyes focus to either, a different program, or the little computer clock. Both show that time has marched on without you. Who needs pills to go to sleep, when you have either boob-tube handy.
. Say Nice Things!
Husband commenting to wife regarding general news of the day. Wife says over her shoulder as she‘s leaving the kitchen: “ Don’t talk to me unless you have nice things to say.” So much for the news of the world!
New “Old” Words
Newspapers are fascinating reading especially when words pop-up which seem “new. ”Maureen Dowd, in her T.U. column, used the word ”kerfuffle.” Rex Smith, T.U., surfaced these: “visceral, mantra, eponymous.” Forgot who popped this one out; “flummox.” Not knowing their meanings, I went scrounging through the dictionary and found: they’re in there!
- Kerfuffle: a state of noisy, confused activity, fuss. It showed up 1946 after WWII.
- Visceral; three definitions: 1) instinctual 2) emotional 3) of internal organs. Take your usage choice. Around since 1575.
- Mantra: mystical formula of invocation: from Hindu; 1795
- Eponymous: someone who gives his/her name to something. Used since 1846
- Flummox: to confuse or perplex. Surfaced 1837.
English – American style – is a lively language, always in a state of flux. (a/k/a flow)[who knows how long?]
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Tony's Blog
November 29th, 201111-28-2011
Between 11-11-11 and Thanksgiving, my time schedule got out of whack, so I missed my mid month chance to blab a bit on the blog. Here goes – -
Time Change
Eastern Standard Time replaced Daylight Savings Time on Nov. 7. I figure that now the ‘ole bod’ will get up an hour earlier. The clock regressed one hour, but, my Circassia clock abides by its own rule. I still get up on DST. Guess we can’t fool Mother Nature.
Burger Names
Ordered a vegetable burger at a local diner. Thought came, as I bit into said ‘burger,’ how come we use the ‘burger’ name on sandwiches that contains no meat; or, call it a ‘hamburger’ and no ham is included. Do sandwich names travel under false pretenses, or, is it just wishful thinking for meat. (p.s. How is the ”burger” supposed to be spelled: burgur, burger, or berger? Beats me?)
Gotta Haves!
The holidays are closing in fast. Came across things you just gotta have for the holidays.
a. Electric fireplace media stand with realistic flame effect: TV on top is on, fireplace is on, both flicker. You watch for a bit, but be careful when you standup, the whole room may flicker and you may falter.
b. Three flameless candle set with a remote control: beats burning fingers or the house down trying to light real candles.
c. Dinner ware with sayings printed on the plates; thought we aren’t supposed to read and eat at the dinner table.
d. 600w electric snow blower: Is it on an electric cord or battery power? Doesn’t specify, but I wouldn’t want to drag a long electric cord through snow behind me while blowing snow. That could lead to an unpleasant surprise!
It’s certain that we’ll probably overspend. Hope 2012 will be better for all of us.
Lobbyists
Observation: Did you ever think that when government registers lobbyist, allowing them to do their “schtick” in the gov’t. halls, it legalized bribery. But then, when gov’t. puts the stamp of approval on horse racing betting, racinos, casinos, lottery and whatever else surfaces, gambling becomes legal. These former illegal activities became legal and taxable. Oh, the webs we weave- – -
A Christmas Variation
German police say an “old hippy” is facing possible prosecution for his version of the, ahem, highest Christmas tree — a festively decorated two-meter- (two-yard) tall marijuana plant. Koblenz police spokesman says officers raided the apartment of the 58-year-old man following a tip and uncovered a cache of 5.3 ounces (150 grams) of marijuana. There, in the living room, they discovered the tree — a pot plant adorned with Christmas lights. The suspect, whose name was not released, said he had planned to decorate it further and put presents under it at Christmas. But it was not to be. Authorities “had to destroy this pre-Christmas dream” and seize the plant as evidence. From the Internet Age Barrier
Read AARP’s Oct. Bulletin “Will I Ever Work Again: Fighting the Age Barrier” which lists 5 ways to break that barrier and is aimed at the wage earners.
Strange, contrary to the wage earning field, the volunteer area lacks age discrimination. Organizations like RSVP, OASIS, Red Cross, non-profts, etc. are always glad to get the free help.The volunteer help value to those organizations is calculated to be worth multi-millions of dollars in the USA. You would think that the commercial world would think of ways to use the senior help since they may be covered for health insurance, may already have a pension, wouldn’t have to pay social security, plus other ways their cpa’s can survey the labor and tax laws for other employer benefits.
Re. Employee Longevity: One thing is that volunteers rarely ever get fired, unless it’s Mother Nature who makes that call.
Makes you wonder as to who is being short sighted.
See you before Christmas!
Tony's Blog
November 2nd, 201111-02-2011
Aging Effects
Definition: AGE: “The chronological counting of time from the day of our birth to our “shuffle off this mortal coil.” or, an Acronym made up of: Age, Gravity, Erosion, and its effects on us. For example, on reaching 21, I stood 6 ft. tall and had a stretched out arm length, finger tip to tip, of 6 ft. (heard that your arm length usually is same as your height) On arriving at the S.S. (social security, & senior status) magic mark, height had eroded to 5’10’’ (AGE effect) but arm length still 6 ft. At that rate, if the AGE-factor continues, and I live long enough, someday, I should be able to scratch my knees, or shins, without bending over.
Overuse of Words:
Organic: this word shows up more in advertising food products. Now, one of the clothing mfg. is advertising their “sleep separates” as organic, so you are assured that your tank tops, crews and pants are environmentally correct when you don them for sack time.
Another phrase that gets overused: a product is advertised as “World Famous” The expression crops up in TV ads, media advertising and locally. Could be it means that “It may be known on the next block?”
Got this ‘Calorie Mange’ from “Second Season” Steuben Cty.
Weight Managed by Calories:
Amount in (Food Eaten)
Amount out (Physical Activity)
Do you know the calories in these? – -
Piece of pie: est. 420 (size alters amt.)
Doughnut: 225
Banana: 105
Piece of cheesecake: est. 280 (size alters amt.)
Piece of cake with frosting: 240
Homemade blueberry muffin: 135
12 oz. can of regular soda: 160
Apple 80 – 125, (depends on size)
The calories from any food depends on portion size, amount eaten and the ingredients.
Now match these up with 10 minutes of calorie burning physical activity:
House cleaning, doing office work or playing golf with motor cart : 40 – 50 calories.
Walking briskly, gardening, leisure bicycling, washing windows, wheeling self in wheel chair, shoveling snow, walking stairs, water aerobics, or fast dancing: 60 – 80 calories.
Swimming or jogging: 100 – 120 calories
Running, or cross-country skiing: 120 – 150 calories.
Basis for number of calories burned: is based on140 – 200 lb woman and a 175 – 250 lb man. The woman burns lower number of calories and the man burns the larger number of calories.
How long does a certain activity take to burn off a favorite food? One hour of walking briskly to burn off that piece of pie! Really!! Depressing isn’t it?
Tasty (maybe).
Heard this one on the radio: Greeting cards are available in a wide variety; i.e. sentimental, funny, sad, syrupy sweet, talking, sing songs, macabre, etc. Now, some greeting card company proposes a line of greeting cards that you can taste. What flavors will they offer? Fruit category to start, maybe, which is a safe bet if the flavor comes close to the fruit. If not, a dud! Question: Can you taste before buying? ( Only if you’ve bought it) Also, licking a fruit card doesn’t count as having some fruit that day in your health diet.
The reference to food must be the subliminal impact of the coming of Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year and other holidays that we munch our way through. After that, no holidays, so we’ll have time to shrink back into our clothes (hopefully) before spring.
Tony's Blog
October 18th, 201110-18-2011
Didyou ever think of why some people don’t get hired? Read on:
Wacky Things on a Resume’*
By: Kate Lorenz, Career Editor, the Internet
- Applicant claimed to be “Pig Wrestling Champion” and info included: pigs weight, number of competitors and months of training.
- Applicant’s statement as to how dependable he was with a doodle of himself on a skateboard.
- A 3 page resume’ jammed onto one page using 7 point font. Need a microscope to read it.
- Resume’ handwritten on lined yellow paper; one job listed CIA, Langley, Va. with the statement “I’m not authorized to divulge nature of my job duties while in employ of CIA.”
- Marketing Asst. position applicant listed supermarket duties as “Cut the Cheese.”
- A resume’ received with coffee stains – - suspicion, it was used as a coaster.
- Resume’ received smeared with mud. Immediately dropped in trash can.
- Woman’s resume’ lists reason for leaving prior job: “I didn’t like working in a strip club because I felt exposed.”
Re. Snores
Did you ever give much thought to Snoring? Women may more so then men because their ears may be more exposed to the racket then men. Is snoring something that develops as we age? Don’t know; that’s up to the medical people to figure out. Does anyone remember sleeping in a barracks or compartment with + or – 100 men and have no memory of being kept awake by snores. Of course, majority of the men were age 17 to 25, if that means anything. Snorers are not known to hear their own snores. As we age, the snore ability seems to develop, so that by mid life, many have evolved into sound projectors that can be heard two bedrooms away with all the doors closed.
This snore incident occurred when I attended a yoga session with my 20 yr old daughter and about 30 people, mostly women, . The last 10 minutes were spent learning to relax after 50 minutes of yoga. The instructor had us lay down on our mats. He dimmed the lights and spoke in soft, gentle tones accompanied by soft, soothing music to relax us. Relax! Did I ever! After 5 minutes, I received a nudge in the ribs and heard my daughter’s stage whisper: “Dad, wake up, you’re snoring.” Above the giggles, came the instructor’s comment: “That’s the first time I’ve ever talked someone into such complete relaxation.” Now that’s achieving status of some sort!
34. Politics
That season is upon us again for the next year. We watch T.V., surf the Internet, read the paper, get barraged with a plethora of pros and cons as to what is occurring in the political arena – yet – little seems to change except the barrage – unless – politics becomes like the wheels of Justice and “grinds exceedingly slow and fine” which can have a wearing effect. What to do? Crab, complain, but Vote! Politicians understand voting results. Who knows – someone may be elected who; does more, talks less. That’s a novel approach!
Moonlight
Living in the outer suburbs on a back street, street or commercial lights are not distracting. There aren’t any. So, when we get a clear, starry night and the full moon lights up the neighborhood, you can really enjoy the sight. It happened one night, clear of any rain storms. I looked out the back window from my dark room at 1 a.m. and saw the moon at its height. The backyard was brightly lit, but the bright day colors were missing. The lawn, tree/bush leaves were varying shades of light to dark grey, tree trunks and branches were black; even the light brown deck was grey. Never noticed that difference before. Maybe the moon loses the color enhancing ability when it reflects the sunlight. Also, I looked closely and contrary to legends, I didn’t see any fairies or pixies dancing on the moonlit lawn. Oh well: Another childhood fantasy gone!
Now, a Dog Story Rockville, Md.
A diamond dealer was displaying a 3 carat diamond to a jewelry store owner when his partner entered with his pet retriever. The 3 carat diamond, valued at $20,000, slipped to the floor. It looked inviting, and living up to his breed, the retriever retrieved and lapped it up. The store owners and dealer tried to get it out of the dog’s mouth, but the swallow was quicker than the hands, and down the hatch it went. Next stop-the vet. Vet’s verdict – no problem, dog’s fine, just let nature take its course.
The store owners closely checked (yuck) the dog’s waste for three days and finally the diamond was retrieved and returned (cleaned?) to the dealer. I wonder: a) who got the gem cleaning job, b) if they ever mentioned that incident to the next purchaser? Would you buy it and wear it next to your skin?? (from Internet, )
Itches:
Why is it that during a physical exam that requires you to be absolutely still, the end of your nose always itches? (and you don’t dare ‘scratches’)
Definitions Lobbying : Legalized bribery!
“Tax Payer: That’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” Ronald Reagan
See ya at end of leaf peeping time. tr
Tony's Blog
October 4th, 201110 04 2011
Adios Phone Books – - Maybe?
Went looking for a phone book - couldn’t find one. Thought – why can’t we just dial the phone company, (like we use to) go on their Web phone book and get the number? Maybe that will be next – an Internet phone book, especially if phone service is tied to the computer. Think of it – No more having three (3) phone books delivered to your house that have to be disposed of on recycle day. Catalogs and phone books were indispensible in the old outhouse days, but times have changed. (in most of the country)
Translation
Husband firmly tells wife that he is going to do something for which she may or may not approve. Her response:”I don’t care, go ahead.” Translation: ”There’s enough rope, go hang yourself.”
Mole Hills to Mountains?
Driving south on Route 9; crossed the Mohawk River, noticed the Cohoes landfill height. It gets taller all the time. Drive west on Washington Ave. Ext. Albany, and see the Albany landfill getting taller. Are the landfills in competition to see who can be taller?.
A thought for future use: convert them into public parks: novice ski hills in the winter, and a par three golf course in summer. Maybe the mayor’s can have a public naming contest for them. Not fancy; but the look of the area will be improved and there’s no question of origin.
A Fish Story
Web News Item: A Giant Oarfish, a/k/a “King of Herrings”, the world’s largest bony fish, measuring 12 feet long, was found floating in Swedish waters. (They get to 30 feet long.) Last one was discovered in 1879. How many sardine cans could one fill?
Divorce Reason?
Why do people get a divorce after living together for so many years?
It may be they’ve heard each other’s stories so many times, that they’re looking for new ears to tell their tales to!
Be A Party Klutz *
A party invite comes, we go. Arrrived, met old friends and new ones. Get comfortable on a love seat with a goblet of wine, plus a small dish of little sausages & meatballs in sauce, cheese and crackers and other goodies. Enthusiastically, I munch, talk & talk and get the hands into the act. Must be an inherited trait for hands and talk to operate together. Suddenly, the plate does a short flip to make a three point landing on my left thigh, left ankle and the carpet. Result: gooey mess in three places. A gracious hostess helped an apologetic me clean up the mess on the floor. She also had faith! She gave me another dish of food. Glad the wine was out of range on the coffee table.
Lesson learned: When mouth opens, put food in it, hold plate/fork tightly, get rid of dish, then talk. (And be thankful for gracious hostesses!) (definition*Klutz – a blockhead (Harper’s Dictionary)
Tony's Blog
September 23rd, 20119-23-2011
Learned a New One
Peaches, nectarines and plums are refered to as “Stone Fruit.” (New one on me.) So called because they have a single pit in them. The Mango must be the “grandaddy” of ‘stone fruit’ because it’s big, about the size of a soft ball, has little flesh and is mostly all pit. Don’t bite into mango if you value your teeth. Pit, there’s plenty- flesh, there ain’t.
Do Ads Pay?
A large pick-up truck pulled in front of me. Its tailgate had a sign painted on it in large bold letters ”Employment Opportunity: Drivers Needed” It should have included wording ‘One who can back up safely’ since the tailgate had several large dents in it.
A Little Extra For Fall.
For September 2011 we got: a small (by Cal.standards) earthquake, shaky but noticeable; a very, damp, windy hurricane called Irene, who was followed by a soggy, tropical character named Lee. Both dumped so much water on us that, in addition to damage and flooding, they left a legacy of mosquitos, who must think they’ve hatched out into mosquito heaven. The nasty little buggers are not only pesky, but dangerous, since they carry the West Nile Virus. Dress protectively and douse yourself with insect repellant. Once read that the old timers (18th century or so) used “bear grease” which drove everything and everybody away. Phew!!
We relish the warm weather, but a good cold snap might be welcome to get rid if the “skeeters.
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Tony's Blog
September 6th, 20119-06-11 Politics We watch T.V., surf the Internet, read the paper, get barraged with a plethora of pros and cons as to what is occurring in the political arena – yet – little seems to change except the barrage – unless – politics becomes like the wheels of Justice and “grinds exceedingly slow and fine.”What to do? Crab a lot, complain to the politicians, and Vote! Who knows – someone may be elected who; does more, talks less. That’s a novel approach!
Appetizers Appetizers are eaten before dinner to stimulate the appetite. Problem: If appetizers are that appetizing, why bother with the dinner; if the dinner is that delicious looking, who needs appetizers? What to do? Either, don’t eat the appetizers, eat the dinner, or, load up on appetizers, and take dinner home in a “doggie bag” for tomorrow. Decisions, decisions, always decision!
TAXES A week before this year’s tax filing deadline, a 25 question tax quiz surfaced on the Internet. Purpose; help you decide if you should do your own tax filing or seek help from a pro. Being curious, I took the quiz. Results: I was advised to go file the 1040EZ or 1040A form, or seek help from a tax pro. Ego deflated. So much for our “simplified, do-it -yourself tax laws.”
2012 is coming, let’s see what wonders Congress and IRS brew up for us?
Sticker Shock Plus Car is several years old and has miles enough that calls for a couple of upgrades such as four new tires and new brake pads for all wheels, so what to do? Go shop for the best price/quality. Price/quality ranged from affordable to “breath-taking away.” Some exorbitant quotes “my penurious depression mentality” refused to accept. I finally caved in and blew the “Wad.” Auto cost-new sticker shock applies to buying a car, but also to its repair.
Shades of the “simple auto” that a “shade tree mechanic” could do some repairs. Ford Model A: Where are you when we need you?
Tony's Blog
August 10th, 2011Fall-Already? 8-11-11: The air turned cool overnight. Harvest time is short. Farmer markets, selling their fresh-pick fruits and vegetables, are in full bloom. Enjoy while we can. Newspaper, TV and sales flyer ads are pushing the latest clothing for school, but,‘jeans’ have been worn for a long time, only the ‘dress code’ is how high or low jeans are worn. Air conditioners are turned off; windows are open, if only a notch; a blanket is needed on the bed with that lone sheet; pre-season pro-football games are on TV; Florida doesn’t sound like such a long drive. What happened to summer? Is it over so soon? It shouldn’t be, but, could it be? And September isn’t even here yet.
Beat the TV Conflict
Dilema: Two live programs on at same time last year: the Winter Olympics and the AKC Westminster Dog. How to see both?
Procedure devised:
· Speed; be a fast switcher on the remote;
· Timing: The Olympic events are short/fast: Westminster shows its classes,
leisurely.
· Luck: somebody goofed; the commercials weren’t synchronize to run at
the same time. Result; a commercial on one channel, switch, and see a program running on the other channel. Hooray! Saw both; enjoyed beating the boring commercial barrage. Why mention now? Summer Olympics are due from London, Eng. 2012; Be prepared.
Why I Like Retirement
Number of days in a week: 6 Sat. 1 Sun.
Bedtime: 3 hours after falling asleep on the couch.
Biggest Gripe: Not enough time to get things done.
Benefit of being called a senior: Term comes with a 10% discount.
If you like work security; become a volunteer; you’ll never get fired.
Common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire: NUTS!
Reason retirees are so slow to clean out basement or garages: As soon as they
do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Best way to describe retirement: Never Ending Coffee Break!
Biggest advantage to going back to school: If you cut class, no one calls your
parents.
Why doing nothing is hard work: You never know when you’re done
Duties of Small Town Sheriff?
The small town sheriff was also its veterinarian. One night the phone rang and
his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired: “Is your husband there?” “Do you require his services as a sheriff or a vet?” wife asked. Woman replied: “Both, we can’t get our dog’s mouth open and there’s a burglar in it.”
